Affection on Display

Last evening, a dolphin and her calf cruised past our condo on Longboat Key.  As I watched them move along the boat channel, they circled out toward an island of mangroves in Sarasota Bay.  There they engaged in playful behavior for nearly a half hour, their dorsal fins and tails breaking the otherwise calm surface.

While all wild mammals care for their young, their interactions are primarily instinctual, even as they can be ferociously protective.  In highly intelligent mammals however, true affection is often on display and I was fortunate to observe such a bond last evening.

We humans, inclined to feel superior to our wild neighbors, still admire such close relationships.  The dolphins certainly brightened my day. 

The Right to Happiness

We humans have our good and bad days and some of us experience periods of hardship and/or unhappiness during the course of our lives.  Aside from clinical depression, which warrants professional intervention, the causes of unhappiness are generally problems that we, ourselves, can control and agreeing that we deserve to be happy is the first step.

Other measures, not to be taken lightly, may include ending a relationship, finding a new job and learning to distance ourselves from past influences that set us on the course to unhappiness.  The opinions, beliefs and advice of others can have long term consequences and self respect is often the victim.

Wanting to be happy is not self-indulgence.  Neither does the effort distract us from being kind, charitable and empathetic individuals.  Indeed, happiness may be contagious and our personal sense of well being will likely benefit others as well. 

Humans & Artificial Intelligence

With the expansion of artificial intelligence (AI), one can anticipate many benefits and many risks for human society.  Most of the benefits will relate to technologic efficiencies while the risks will surely center around human education, job security, mental health and relationships.

A step beyond the challenges imposed by the internet and social media (including misinformation, media addiction, bullying and fraud, to name a few), AI will pose an even greater threat to our personal identity and mental health.  One can easily imagine the tendency of some individuals to develop "relationships" with imaginary cyber-friends, a theme that has been explored in some movies.

Unless humans build in safety controls (a major failure in the history of social media) the risks of AI will likely outweigh the benefits.  As with addiction to cell phones, streaming services, computers and virtual reality devices, protection from AI's ill effects will require limited exposure, enforced by parents, teachers, managers and others.  My only personal contribution is to recommend more time in nature's realm, away from the various technologies that strive to control our lives.

The Nature of Honesty

Honesty is a complicated trait.  We might admire someone who is honest as long as their opinion does not reflect negatively on ourself.  The honest truth can be painful.

Yet, we strive to be honest.  Those who are not are considered to be unreliable.  Then again, honesty must be expressed with care.  There is harsh honesty and empathetic honesty.  If asked for our opinion, we tend to temper our honesty depending on the subject and the recipient.  Intellectual honesty is something we should always strive to achieve but interpersonal honesty might lead to unnecessary complications or undesired consequences.

In the end, only we know when we are being honest.  We don't want to lie but we don't want to offend.  Like it or not, we must choose to be honest, depending on the circumstances.

Dementia & Empathy

Unlike most fatal illnesses, dementia robs the individual of their humanity.  Unable to care for themselves or communicate with family and friends, they become victims of both the disease and those who refuse to let them die.  No one wants that fate.

Yet, usually due to religious convictions and/or misguided laws, family members are unwilling or unable to withhold medical care or consider compassionate euthanasia.  Despite the emotional and financial consequences, they tend to the needs of their loved one, reluctant to "play God."

As a consequence, empathy for the victim of dementia must come from human society.  We must provide the means and support the rights of family members to actively end the de-humanization that characterizes this tragic and, to date, untreatable disease.  While that decision should never be imposed on a family, our collective empathy requires that we make the option available.  

Generational Gratitude

Looking back at my life, I have much to be grateful for.  Leading that list is the fact that I am a member of the "Baby Boom" Generation.

As a result, my formative years (high school and college) occurred during the late 1960s and early 1970s, a period characterized by anti-war protests, civil rights demonstrations and a global awakening regarding our expanding environmental crises (the first Earth Day was in 1970).  All of these social movements had a profound impact on my personal views of human nature, social justice and the interdependence of all life on Planet Earth.

Indeed, most of my life choices have been guided by these ingrained philosophical convictions, causing me to reject mysticism, racism, excessive consumption, militarism and careless human "development."  While I have tried to instill this naturalist philosophy in my children and grandchildren, I realize that they have not benefited from the profound, formative experiences of my own generation.

The Death of Conversation

Hopefully, most partners, lovers, close friends and family members still have long, productive, honest conversations on a regular basis.  Nevertheless, this practice, long a vital feature of human civilization, is under attack in the modern world.

Short texts and tweets have now replaced phone calls and, to ensure brevity, are sprinkled with abbreviations and emojis to limit word usage and emotional expression.  The social media companies even offer capsulized, ready-made responses for our use, just in case our imagination has completely shut down; among their most used suggestions are "Like the Image," "Congratulations," "Same to You," and other favorites.

It is no wonder that many individuals feel isolated and that human friendships have been marginalized.  When most of our interactions are digital, we lose the capacity for personal conversation.  The most unique trait of our species is disappearing and the emotional health of humans and of society as a whole will suffer as a consequence.

Flashback Post XXV

Four years ago today, I published a post that received a good deal of attention.  No doubt, the reason for its popularity was that it spoke to a universal human experience.

See: The Power of Love Denied 

The Mellowing

By April, a higher sun and regular precipitation have softened the landscape and greenery gradually climbs from the lawns to the treetops.  Early flowers and musical birdsong lend their support to the mellowing of our environment as the harsh grip of winter recedes to the north.

Those of us of a certain age are especially attentive to this transition, feeling fortunate to have survived another winter and witnessed the rebirth that the new season brings.  Having mellowed ourselves, we are content to enjoy the resurgence of life around us and less enamored with the consumption and competitive strategies that characterized our youth.  Personal relationships, past and present, now seem far more important.

Well beyond the spring of our own lives, we have a greater appreciation for nature's cycles and the ultimate demise that we all must face.  We know all to well that life is short and that the simple gifts of spring should not be taken for granted.  

Memories from the Garage

On this warm, sunny day in Littleton, my wife and I decided to clean out the garage.  Amidst all the junk were boxes of "momentos" for each member of our family.  Mine included photos, documents and "appointment books" from grade school through my early practice years, a collection spanning about twenty years of my life.

Of course, this collection brought back many fond (and some not-so-fond) memories of people and events that shaped my formative years.  Most had stayed with me but some had been lost to the march of time.  Nevertheless, it was an unexpected treasure chest of the past that provided a couple hours of entertainment after a morning of steady work.

Among the momentos was a nature diary that I wrote during our years in Glendale, Ohio.  There we lived in a historic neighborhood with large yards; adorned with a broad diversity of plants, they attracted a fascinating variety of wildlife.  The diary, inspired by the books of Hal Borland, Edwin Way Teale and others, was composed of brief entries related to the weather, the resident plants and animals and the seasonal changes on our property.  Written almost exactly twenty years before I initiated this blog, it provides a look back at my early years as a naturalist; now rescued from a dusty box, it will be a welcome source of nostalgia and reflection during the autumn of my life.

Parental Traits

As teens and young adults, we recognize certain traits in our parents that were largely ignored during childhood.  In response, we vow to adopt those we admire and eschew those we despise but, in the end, are not always successful (a fact often pointed out by our spouse, our siblings or the other parent).

Indeed, we are a genetic composite of both parents and may not have the constitution to assume certain positive traits.  And when it comes to disavowing traits that we despise, we may overreact to the point of zealotry.

Genetic expression is a powerful force. Our goal, it seems to me, is to acknowledge the traits that we have inherited and work to modify their expression when indicated; education and social enlightenment are the primary tools that facilitate the process.

True Love

Love, the most potent human emotion, is both hard to describe and difficult to understand; even so, the word itself, in my opinion, is greatly overused.  And, unlike the transient infatuations of youth, we come to realize that true love endures, mediated by our genes, our brain and our senses.

True love is indeed permanent.  It survives rejection, hardship, incompatibility and even abuse.  Despite what one hears in popular music, one does not "fall in and out" of love.

So, on this annual, commercialized celebration of love, we must acknowledge that true love is not dependent on jewelry, sweets or flowers.  Nevertheless, it is best not to ignore certain expectations!

See also: The Nature of Love

The Advantages of Heartache

Most of us have experienced a "broken heart" at least once during our life and know that its pain is long-lasting.  But there are, I believe, some advantages to having endured this universal trauma.

First of all, we learn a lot about ourselves in the course of a failed love affair and are able to use that knowledge when nurturing another relationship.  Secondly, personal pain fuels our capacity for empathy, allowing us to understand and comfort friends and family members when they have a similar experience and need our emotional support.  Finally, heartache and its sequelae have inspired much of the literature, music and artwork throughout human history; had we not endured the pain ourselves, we could not fully appreciate these cultural forms of expression.

This intellectual reasoning may be helpful in the long run but does little to diminish heartache for those in the midst of emotional turmoil.  Some say time will heal a broken heart but most of us discover that the wounds never fully heal and the pain never completely subsides.

Regret & Communication

Regret, acknowledged or not, is part of the human experience and, it seems to me, is most often tied to a failure of communication.  Young children communicate freely but teens and adults, subject to fear and intent on protecting their self-esteem, may fail to speak or do so in an offensive manner.

Failure to express love or gratitude and an unwillingness to apologize for our words or actions are perhaps most closely tied to future regret.  How ironic that we humans, set apart from "lower" animals by our linguistic skills, should endure anguish due to their underuse or misuse.

Fortunately, we often have the opportunity to undo our failure to communicate, unless, of course, fear or pride intervene.

See also: The Nature of Regret

Flashback Post XIV

On this annual celebration of Moms and all they do for families in particular and for human society in general, I decided to offer links to past Mother's Day posts.  My personal remembrance, thanks and admiration as well.

See: Mom's Mitochondria, Maternal Devotion, Natural Peacemakers and Homage to Mother Nature

Dominance & Relationships

In several previous posts, I have expressed my thoughts on love and compatibility, concluding that one does not necessarily imply the other.  As a result, I am of the opinion that couples should live together for a few years before committing to marriage (and especially before conceiving children).

It seems to me that another factor may also sabotage loving relationships, often very early in their course.  Fear of domination, the concern that your partner's ambition may interfere with your own personal goals, has become increasingly relevant in modern society.  Prior to the mid 20th Century, men were the traditional breadwinners within a family and most wives were homemakers, devoting themselves to managing the household and raising children; of course, in many cases, that role was accepted with some resignation.  Since that time, women have pursued careers that were previously limited to men and couples must often balance the demands that come with a two-career partnership, magnifying the stress that naturally accompanies marriage and child-rearing.

It is thus not surprising that fear of domination (real or imagined) threatens many modern relationships.  In the end, the only means of dealing with this fear is a mutual commitment to open communication, cooperation and compromise, an approach that must be reinforced throughout the marriage or partnership.  Unfortunately, the underlying tension may persist, fueling distrust, conflict and, in many cases, divorce. 

The Nature of Regret

When I hear someone say that they have no regrets in their life, I tend to be skeptical.  After all, regret, whether major or minor, is part of human nature, a product of our large, complex brains.  Prone to ruminate, we often regret past decisions, actions or comments, whether justified or not.

This tendency to live in our past often makes us less happy in the present.  Judging ourself through the prism of hindsight, we are not always fair-minded, having buried the context in which past choices were made; neither do we always acknowledge the benefits that arose from those actions.  It's one thing to regret having made an insensitive remark and quite another to regret major life decisions.

Unfortunately, we are not always honest or reasonable when we review our past; whether we admit it or not, we all harbor regrets.  The real issue, it seems to me, is whether we let those regrets impact our current happiness and relationships.

Love Songs

We often speak of "Love Songs" as one category of music.  But when you think about it, almost all pop, rock and country songs could be categorized as such; even the great majority of instrumental music (including jazz and classical) has been inspired by that emotion.  Exceptions seem to be limited to secular holiday tunes and commercial jingles.

Most of our popular music is devoted to the joy of love, the pursuit of love, the complications of love or the loss of love.  That love may involve another person, a pet, a place (including nature), an activity or a mystical being, among less common subjects.

It is no wonder that the most complex and intense human emotion has spawned so much creativity.  After all, nothing is more important in our lives.

Love & Compatibility II

As a followup to yesterdays post on Marriage, I thought I might express my thoughts on love and compatibility, which play into the theme of marital discord and divorce.  Romantic love, it seems to me, is nature's way of stoking relationships and assuring the procreation of our species.  Strongly tied to sexual attraction, its intensity fades as relationships mature but persists when relationships fail to develop (see The Power of Love Denied).

In the case of ongoing relationships (marriage included), love evolves from the initial intensity of romance to a more subdued "loving partnership."  Love, however, does not ensure compatibility and it is the lack of the latter that most often ends relationships (even as love persists).  Love, if true, does not die but we may conclude that we cannot live together.

This goes back to my thoughts on marriage, which is generally fueled by intense romantic love.  Before we heed nature's call and start to produce children, we best take the time to decide if we are truly compatible.  Otherwise, the pain of divorce must be endured by innocents as well.  See also Love & Compatibility.

Why Marriages Fail

Marriage, an Unnatural Union, is a social contract based on the commitment of two individuals.  Whether it is sanctioned in a church, on a beach or on the Vegas Strip, it is the mutual commitment that counts, not the ritual or the legal papers.  Unfortunately, this commitment is often made between two individuals who barely know one another and, as we all know, a large percentage of marriages fail.

In my opinion, couples should live together for at least two-three years before deciding to marry and certainly before choosing to adopt or conceive children.  Cohabitation uncovers traits in one another that might otherwise go unnoticed and forces us to face issues that are vital to the success of a marriage: compromise, mutual respect and the need for personal space, among others.

Of course, some might argue that we never truly know one another but a few years of living together should shake out most of the skeletons in our closets.  Religious persons will surely oppose this approach but anyone who follows this blog knows how I feel about religions; besides, faith does not protect couples from divorce.  Others might suggest that marriage itself is unnecessary, that the mutual commitment to one another is sufficient; to that point of view, I have no objection.